Just Me

I'm a talkative and happy-go-lucky introvert that stan talents who are also called BTS. Yes, it may sound weird as the adjectives for talkative and happy-go-lucky are mostly use to describe an extrovert but why do I say I'm an introvert. Because I am and there's no need to hide. I may be loud and mischevious when I am young but now I am more quiet and more like invisible. No, that's not the old me or rather the new me. There's no old me or new me, it's just me.

I usually am not suffer from keeping my feelings to myself but nowadays I kept doing that. When I'm younger, I don't have the problem of expressing myself or my emotions out, but now I found it more and more difficult. I am always the mood maker and the happy pill of my friends as I always make them happy. I admit I like to make them happy. But how can I do it when I am already sad? Who is there to make me happy?

I can't express my feelings out because I always thought it was wrong to have those feelings. Like when I don't have a simple thing such as dream, I mean who doesn't have? or like when I'm so frustrated I just want my life to stop, I just want to stop running to what everyone keeps saying the "perfect life", what if that's not my ideal life? what if what I want is totally different? what if what I want is just a simple privacy space? To cry, to listen to music, to read, to sleep and to be alone and think? or like I want to disappear, to just vanish, to leave all my family, my friends, to step out of the comfort zone, to go to a country that no one knows me, to live alone in an island without any distractions without any signals, irritated social medias, complicated social web. And all those years, I realise what I want isn't what I want, and I've been running to the goal ever since I've born because that's what everyone wants, that's what everyone think it's the ideal because that's what everyone've been doing. I found I've lost in the middle and can't find the ends, just like missing in the maze, and running for no reason towards something you don't even know and you don't even like or want. So I want to be different. But everyone's looking at you like an alien from outer space. However after I listen to BTS's songs, I realize it's ok to have these feelings. You are not alone, there's people thinking the same thing you thinks, feeling the same way you felt and they are trying to live the best they can. NO you do not need to compare yourself to them. They are proving the old generations wrong but they are not implementing the lifestyles to you. You are not them, you are you and just you. 

 

 

I'm a talkative and happy-go-lucky introvert that stan talents who are also called BTS. Yes, it may sound weird as the adjectives for talkative and happy-go-lucky are mostly use to describe an extrovert but why do I say I'm an introvert. Because I am and there's no need to hide. I may be loud and mischevious when I am young but now I am more quiet and more like invisible. No, that's not the old me or rather the new me. There's no old me or new me, it's just me.

I usually am not suffer from keeping my feelings to myself but nowadays I kept doing that. When I'm younger, I don't have the problem of expressing myself or my emotions out, but now I found it more and more difficult. I am always the mood maker and the happy pill of my friends as I always make them happy. I admit I like to make them happy. But how can I do it when I am already sad? Who is there to make me happy?

I can't express my feelings out because I always thought it was wrong to have those feelings. Like when I don't have a simple thing such as dream, I mean who doesn't have? or like when I'm so frustrated I just want my life to stop, I just want to stop running to what everyone keeps saying the "perfect life", what if that's not my ideal life? what if what I want is totally different? what if what I want is just a simple privacy space? To cry, to listen to music, to read, to sleep and to be alone and think? or like I want to disappear, to just vanish, to leave all my family, my friends, to step out of the comfort zone, to go to a country that no one knows me, to live alone in an island without any distractions without any signals, irritated social medias, complicated social web. And all those years, I realise what I want isn't what I want, and I've been running to the goal ever since I've born because that's what everyone wants, that's what everyone think it's the ideal because that's what everyone've been doing. I found I've lost in the middle and can't find the ends, just like missing in the maze, and running for no reason towards something you don't even know and you don't even like or want. So I want to be different. But everyone's looking at you like an alien from outer space. However after I listen to BTS's songs, I realize it's ok to have these feelings. You are not alone, there's people thinking the same thing you thinks, feeling the same way you felt and they are trying to live the best they can. NO you do not need to compare yourself to them. They are proving the old generations wrong but they are not implementing the lifestyles to you. You are not them, you are you and just you.